I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I'm confused. I can't take another rejection. Especially not from these people. They are my best friends.
I keep running back to this stupid piggy because he understands. Our relationship is solid now. There is nothing for anyone to worry about but no one understands that and I can see why. We are both so strange together. He's what I always wanted. A best friend who is a guy, who gets me, that I can be completely myself with, who loves me anyway. Right now I don't know of anything in this world that I would give that up for.
but there will never be real romance there and I am VERY ready to not be alone.
So then there's him. What was I talking about?!?! He's my best friend!! Who is a guy! Who i trust! Who loves me and gets me! and confuses me...and isn't close enough...and who I managed to make everything complicated with...who knows we would both be happier with someone else...
and then there's that other kid who I'm ridiculously attracted to mentally. Physically there's nothing amazing but I love being around him. I love the way he makes me laugh. I thought I had a shot with him but I'm pretty sure I was completely wrong...so why is he even on this list? because I want so bad to be wrong about being wrong...
and last and least and that's the problem. sigh. What am I doing here? I want him so much of the time because we look good together and it feels good to be near him. I trust him but he confuses me most of all. I lay awake at night trying my hardest to figure out what the hell he's thinking. It just doesn't make sense. A rejection from him would hurt like being stabbed so I'd rather just never figure it out. I can't keep being hurt by my friends.
I need to branch out so that these rejections can't have such a huge impact on my life.
What does ANYONE think???????? I need to find a second opinion...
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4 comments:
You know, perhaps you don't need to be in a relationship. You're pretty, smart, creative, fun, and sweet, but it seem as if the men in your life right now appreciate you as a friend rather than romantic prospect.
Here is a happy song that you many enjoy.
http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#Mika%20Lollipop
I am also being completely hypocritical. I know these aching pangs too.
In the second sentence, there is supposed to be an "s" at the end of "seem". :P
Unfortunately for the majority, this feeling is very persistent. A blog entry that is a year old to the {date-1day} is something to reflect on, so I hope you receive notifications for comments on your blog, and allow you to reflect upon yourself then and now.
As the other commenter points out, you are pretty, smart, pretty smart, creative, fun, and sweet, and I also know the aching pangs that results in the complexities of relationships.
There is no absolute `right' answer to the world when it comes to whether or not you should be soul-searchin'. If you are like me, you don't need a relationship, but yet you still do need a relationship; as contradictory as that statement might be, let's analyze: you're perfectly well on your own, but as grinding as the gears of loneliness on time are, a romantic cuddle-buddy could make the nights less harsh, and if that's in any way a thought that sounds familiar, you are not alone.
It's funny: back in the golden (sucky) days when we were taught different writing styles, we were always told: form an argument, and stick to it! Who would have known there is no ultimate argument to life other than what you make of it?
In the end, I say to stick to a motto - which is lesser strict than a principle, but ultimately just as guiding. For me, I take chances and explore my surroundings: life's just too short to lay awake at night and wonder.
Take care, miss Banks.
...misinterpreted the date from above by a few days / I blame my computer; kindly disregard.
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