Boys Suck!!!

Yet another weekend of proof that boys can't just be your friend!

This is gonna sound all kinds of cocky but i don't mean it that way i swear! It's just the facts. One night (again). Two boys (again). I like you as more than a friend (again). This time...I say no. absolutely not. i can't. sorry. I feel like crap about it but they don't understand what they are doing, how much the ruins everything! Why can't i just keep my friends friends! I'm happy with it that way!

So this other boy who kinda has part of my heart...yeah he's been dumped again...he's single...doesn't make him any less of a jerk! I wont waste my time this time! I can't waste anymore time on him! I JUST WONT!

So this other boy who has every part of my heart and the rest of me that the above mentioned boy doesn't...he doesn't answer my texts...he's not a man at all....and the more i try to push myself into his life, the further he is gonna run...and soon he'll be out of my sight forever...can i handle that really??

Boys are ridiculous.

Nothing in the universe sucks worse or is more necessary than a boy.

I'm Going to Morganton!

I feel like i need to take a minute to explain why it is that i have been harsh, nosey, and in general shall we say extreme about this entire situation. I didn't even realize until today that it's not because i care who u date or that i care about you on this creepy we have to be best friends forever level (you can stop flattering yourself now) or even that i love my roommate this much (because she was totally more over it than i was). It's because i've been there so many times with so many people. Friends have just up and abandoned me my whole dang life! This time I had influence over all the parties and I wanted to fix everything myself! BUT when i got myself into it to fix it, all the emotions from my past experiences totally got in the way and made me slightly(well maybe slightly more than slightly) irrational at times. I still think it's wrong and should NEVER be more to you than a struggle preferable only in your head (don't confuse that) AND i still think that there is someone much better out there for each of us than anyone we could pick out right now, but really some of the things i said (and hit you with) were unnessary. Roommate, your side was still right and it sucks when people don't feel the need to fix or even address what they have screwed up, but time cures all! and pmayhaps a snazzy trip to MO-town wouldn't hurt! Oh and i promise to stop hitting you too Roommate :-D

My Top 4

I am mega sick of Top Friends...
and i know it has been said over and over...and i have always been ok with them, but it has come to a point where when people change them it hurts and that's too far...

When he took her off his number one...it started eating away at me...

and i feel like i don't want to hide them and i feel like there are some people that should always be there just to prove that I really am who i think i am...

so i've made it a top 4

My top 4 consists of the people that i don't think are going anywhere in my life
They are the constants and whether i see them or i don't or i talk to them or i don't I love them period
I can understand my roommate when she talks about how scared it is to be left because i feel it all the time...i feel betrayed...and friends are never really what you think they are and you build them up to something that they didn't even want to be and they are clueless when they hurt you and it happens all the time and it's not a big obvious blowout and we ignore it when it happens to other people but when it happen to us it hurts soooooo bad....friendships don't last like they do in movies...well at least mine don't...
My friendships never last...i forget too much...but i don't forget who i love...i wish people would realize that's what's important...
my whole life i've been let down by friends and my dad would say "you can only count on your family"
but what if you don't fit with your family
then you find someone you fit with
then it ends
they find someone they thinks more important
and you think i don't want a friend who thinks about me like that anyway
so you let it end because talking about it hurts much too much
but what if that's not what's supposed to happen at all?
what if both parties kept trying to love each other inspite of whatever
you could love each other even if you hate each other
and you could find consistancey and dependacy on the fact that even if you hate them they will be there
and we could all realize how much we really need each other
and not abuse our relationships
and stretch them until they break
We don't want to give out second chances because they hurt too much
but i guess we shouldn't have to because we shouldn't let things end
it should always be the 1st time for bad or for good or for worse...the first time
Put God first and then try our best to care about people
and talk to each other when things become strained
we all give in too easily.....

i'm sorry if my top 4 hurts anyone..but if it does don't just ignore it! That's what gets us into this mess!!!!

ummm okie dokie

Everyone else has a blog and I don't like posting blogs on Myspace because EVERYONE reads them! This way only the really nosey people (like my roommate) will see!

So the topic for today shall be this...
Why does it feel so empty not to have someone you really want to be with? I'm driving myself absolutely crazy because I don't have a crush on anyone! I think it is absurd that i can't handle myself like this. I just keep picking out random people to idolize until I realize I really don't like them at all. I really am not sure i've ever exsisted in this state before. I mean there is always someone even is it's a total longshot. So i picked out a longshot...but i don't think i did it because i like him. I think i did it because i wanted to have a person to like without having someone to like (that makes all kinds of sense i know) because now i can just be like I would like him but he has a girlfriend. How convienient is that?? IDK i feel stupid even thinking like this. Most people just assume that it's because i'm not over Jared but i feel like...even though i miss him...i don't want him back at all. Not unless he's undergone a huge life change which i doubt or his mom has died...oooo can i put that on the internet? Are you supposed to edit your blogs? man this is tough! so anyway there you have it! My right before work thoughts! and i don't want to go at all! EEEEEP!