My Top 4

I am mega sick of Top Friends...
and i know it has been said over and over...and i have always been ok with them, but it has come to a point where when people change them it hurts and that's too far...

When he took her off his number one...it started eating away at me...

and i feel like i don't want to hide them and i feel like there are some people that should always be there just to prove that I really am who i think i am...

so i've made it a top 4

My top 4 consists of the people that i don't think are going anywhere in my life
They are the constants and whether i see them or i don't or i talk to them or i don't I love them period
I can understand my roommate when she talks about how scared it is to be left because i feel it all the time...i feel betrayed...and friends are never really what you think they are and you build them up to something that they didn't even want to be and they are clueless when they hurt you and it happens all the time and it's not a big obvious blowout and we ignore it when it happens to other people but when it happen to us it hurts soooooo bad....friendships don't last like they do in movies...well at least mine don't...
My friendships never last...i forget too much...but i don't forget who i love...i wish people would realize that's what's important...
my whole life i've been let down by friends and my dad would say "you can only count on your family"
but what if you don't fit with your family
then you find someone you fit with
then it ends
they find someone they thinks more important
and you think i don't want a friend who thinks about me like that anyway
so you let it end because talking about it hurts much too much
but what if that's not what's supposed to happen at all?
what if both parties kept trying to love each other inspite of whatever
you could love each other even if you hate each other
and you could find consistancey and dependacy on the fact that even if you hate them they will be there
and we could all realize how much we really need each other
and not abuse our relationships
and stretch them until they break
We don't want to give out second chances because they hurt too much
but i guess we shouldn't have to because we shouldn't let things end
it should always be the 1st time for bad or for good or for worse...the first time
Put God first and then try our best to care about people
and talk to each other when things become strained
we all give in too easily.....

i'm sorry if my top 4 hurts anyone..but if it does don't just ignore it! That's what gets us into this mess!!!!