Manifestation of Anger

I'd forgotten how much rejection stings. Now when i wake up in the morning, when i go to sleep at night, when i watch any of those sad movies i love, I can feel it again.
That burning sting that I've worked so hard to smother.
I don't want to be rejected anymore.
I don't want to be rejected as a person or as a friend or as a girlfriend.
I don't want to be rejected for what i believe or who i love.
I didn't realize how close that sting was to the surface, but it only took one moment for it to be back burning like fire.
I'm hurting again.
Numb was so much better than this pain.
It's this pain that makes me angry. I am so angry. God help me I'm angry.
I don't want revenge I don't even care about being happy I just don't want to be angry anymore.

I can't put myself out there again now. I need the proof. I thought i needed it, but i convinced myself to take a leap of faith and now here i am. I have no faith in people. People are fickle.

Perfect in moments. Evil in nature. That is humanity. It couldn't be any other way. Not when we all stop to think about how people have hurt us. We've all been hurt. We all bleed.

We cover the holes in our hearts with our fingers to keep the blood from spilling out.
Then we see someone else suffering, incomplete.
We offer our fingers to help stop their bleeding.
They have two perfectly functional hands themselves, we think.
But They just let us bleed to death.
Too busy reaching into their past to save someone who doesn't need or want their hands.

That is life. We've all experienced both sides of the story.

My Neverending Love Letter: Day 1

I want to do things for the right reasons. God, I want every decision I make to bring me closer to You. I spend so much time everyday thinking about You, but should i be spending more time talking to You? It's so hard because i'm so confused I can't even organize my thoughts enough to express them to You. God, I feel like You are my everything and when i think of you i'm not scared, but instead my heart flutters because I'm completely and utterly in love with You. I want to know You. I want to constantly feel Your presence. Why can't i live like it? How do i live to show everyone who my truest love is? God, You constantly amaze me and hold me and rescue me. I want to praise You with not only my words but my movements. I want to see You glorifed in every breath i breathe. If only the earthly things didn't bog me down so. If only to be human wasn't to feel alone, to feel like You aren't enough. When You are Everything.