When time isn't enough...New Developments...

It happens more often then i'll admit.
Do I always test them?
This time i hoped for some spark.
like the last time...
It was Uneventful, ofensive, almost hurtful.
But still he's on my mind.
Did i throw something real away.
All because when i'm not thinking of him i'm thinking of the one who hurt me.
No he doesn't meet my standards.
I have too many standards.
He didn't pass the test i guess.
That's dumb.
I want another chance.
I lied to myself and said none of it ment anything compared to what i had.
Said I needed time.
That's dumb too.
Time for what?
Time to wallow?
I just want to live.
Here, Alive, Now, I want time with him.

Curse You Facebook!

I see him in the hall,
In Clark,
With his friends,
We glance at each other and keep walking.
It's just me who notices these things I'm sure.
I've never even heard his voice
but i want to...

I can't get him out of my head.
I talk about him
Hoping someone will know something more about him,
Tell me more about him
Thinking... yep you sound mega creepy
But they don't know what I'm feeling at those moments
What thoughts of a him make me feel...

I wanna make friends with his friends
I want to know more
Just a little bit more
Facebook him...
What self respecting college kid wouldn't?
God, he's perfect.
His movies, His comments, His quotes

He writes...
the most beautiful words
His stories make me feel something that I know is inside of me,
Something that feels so dead so much of the time now
Something that it is such a relief to feel
and those words have absolutely nothing to do with me
How would it feel to hear words like that meant for me?

I want to read more
I want to know more
This is crazy right?
This is ridiculous and crazy
Ridiculous and crazy and a waste of my time?
I'm a stalker basically
But The 23rd seems years away...


**** Due to the extreme creepiness of this blog i feel the need to point out that I wrote it mainly because i felt like being poetic. In reality this is simply a portrayal of the person I sometimes want to be (aka slightly emo) and not who I actually am.****